Life seems fair to those who have not experience any massive pain, or any hard falls.
We all have our difficult moments where life seems to be kicking our asses day after day with no remorse.
Been there, and back! Been there to the point where I almost sold my equipment and call it quits and move on to the next chapter in my life.
One question did stick around in my head: Why did you buy the camera to begin with? Why did you buy all this equipment for? Why you didn't turn down such client when they asked about you taking their photos? and so on.
It was nauseating and I felt horrible after asking myself questions after questions over and over. I had literally given up on myself, my dream, my entire nature of why I jumped into Photography in the first place. I was at the brink of failing myself, my family and those who believe in me even if it was for a moment.
My website dropped out of existence, my social content was crap. My advertising had stop completely, I began more critical of my photos to the point where all I was seeing was shitty work. I had created a solid believe that I was not fit for this journey as a photographer.
I was creating excuses after excuses of why I was not making great things happen, I started chasing birds and ran out the field like "Jim Rohn" said. My camera is old, my camera is to heavy to carry around, my lenses didn't give me what i was looking for in terms of quality, my gear was crapping out, and so on. Gosh! When you hit rock bottom surely things tend to become worse in your thinking, and in your actions.
Mental toughness is a really serious thing to have. What the heck just happened to me I wondered one day as I was walking to work and decided to snap one photo using my phone of this nice metalwork i saw at the train platform. It was a milliflour design with black, yellow on a concrete background. I had let my eyes become lazy of my surroundings, I had let my vision go behind my head instead of ahead. After I took this photo I played around with it and developed it further to enhance it. More thoughts came to mind and draw me back to my humble beginnings. "I couldn't do that before, look at how far you have developed your self and your style to be giving up so bluntly" I said to myself. Ohhh man! it was not over that moment. It seems as my brain was in for a good 'ol ass whipping, I felt like my heart was beating the shit out of my brain to get back up, look up, get my ass of the dirt and shape up. Reality kicked in! It was on, When no one was around to give you the sort of speech you need to hear, I guess my heart did it for me.
As the days went, I decided to use my phone as a therapy to create images on the go for social content, to re-train my eyes and brain to look for interesting images to capture. Little by little images started to get a hold of me and my new self. Content was being created, Clients started reaching out, re-branding ideas started to happen, it was a feeling like no other. New techniques were being develop, a new website was being built, new vision of where I want to land and what type of work I want to be called for. It was euphoric!
My thinking and self destruction was completely change, and all was rushing at a pace like never before seen. It was like a reset button was triggered from my heart to my brain. I know is hard to think it can be done but it certainly is, I challenge you to go forth and have a self talk and assessment of your current self and see where you are. Im sure along the way something will hopefully trigger you to get back up, get dusted and move on forward
Until Next time!
Be great, Be invincible, Be strong.